ORIGINALLY PRESENTED SO LONG AGO - I've simply lost the beginning of it. So I reintroduce it completely re-written... again (and again)

It was so long ago that I settled upon... the big bold words below; are they a tactical credo? A mere code of conduct, a motto or goal? So it was so long ago I made an almost subconscious decision to come upon a way to, at best make an attempt to, bend my thinking towards a more open ended understanding of just what the heck-n-doodles was going on around me or inside of you... And being so long ago, quite truly I feel it necessary to once again and always important for me to examine these words I so often claim to, you know... honestly live by.

Now, I don't want to get all hung up on what I find ridiculously to be the true meaning of words. I admit that I too often will bend words and break them and make up new words as often as I can. Quilte illiterally as frequently as need be to better express, or sometimes veil the meaning in my expression of this notion or that from this time to that time, time and time again. But; this word empathy, seemingly so intrinsically tied to this tactical credo or code of conduct of mine... I thought maybe we should look up it's most accepted definition... at least according to the sources I've found...

Can one truly achieve this level of empathy required to meet the objective of my hoity-toity high falutin credo motto-esq code of conduct for it to be put into practice? Perhaps not but can one truly try? I guess I can really only answer this on behalf of my own way of thinking by way of a reminder of the mechanisms I see available to me to imbue my thought process with this sought after feeling that I understand and share another person's experience and emotions...

Stopping for a moment to acknowledge, I could be standing in the exact same spot as you, well scientifically speaking, in actuality, I'd likely be standing just a little to the left or right and back a step or two from where you're located when say, that calamity happened around us and thus I hadn't truly nor really shared in your experience at all. Heck as it were, we may not have even shared in the horrors of horrors or that feeling of joy what-so-ever... If I'm not mistaken, you may even have been giggling, even if only perhaps out of some distorted sense of your own discomfort rather than any half baked and moribundish old glee... note the made up words with no meaning. Really, who am I to know?

Well, I do try to listen... But, as we all know, listening is an art that even if somewhat perfected is intermittent and subject to whatever distraction takes over us at any given moment like that pretty bird over their or as distracting the misprinted word "their" or the thoughts of "I wonder what's for dinner" that just crossed my mind.

Why of course, I do read things... although completely aware that my comprehension of what I've just read or am reading is so completely infused by what I've experienced and heard from so many others I could hardly claim to know just how accurate my understanding of these words I've just read let alone just written are accurate in any way shape or form... accuracy in comprehension, a measure of even the remotest of possibility? What's your experience with this? Be honest, I'm sure you've read into the white bits on these pages as well.

So, in any first hand experience, the second placed conversation or the third possibility of even best read opportunities how could I possibly have every begun to know what you're thinking let alone feeling, this seems impossible to me at this time, to you, no?

...so here's where I let you in on a way out of all this open doored and quite obvious of deepest brightly lit secrets of mine. I kinda believe empathy to be an impossible to obtain but definitely one of the more cherished of ideals to be pursued; even if ever so slightly. Simply, if I find myself not pursuing empathy then I'll usually quite easily finding myself settling on a hardened opinion that might upset me or someone I feel close to at the time. I should also admit that over the years, It's been quite heavily ladened upon me that settling for anything less than perfection is unacceptable even when one knows it's impossible to achieve.

So, I strive for perfection and a level of empathy I know I'll never find simply in the hope that my opinions albeit often presented too strongly are tempered with my own personal understanding that they have no real meaning until I'm fully aware of another's feeling which I'll never truly share even slightly let alone completely. But even after thinking this, quite simply... why would I ever stop trying to learn something different. Although I often imply it, why would I ever think my way of thinking or anyone else's opinions, notions or beliefs however different from the ones I'm currently contemplating can be any worse, equal to or better than mime?

Worse yet, if I give up on this attempt at this imperfected pursuit of my idealized impression of an empathic understanding of even the one's I instantly perceive adversarial, might I miss the opportunity for a better understanding of this pursuit in the first place? So, I openly argue while trying to listen and let it all jumble about in my thinking until as much I can at any given moment let it all percolate and boil in back of my brain while I wait for an answer that likely won't come as we sit here and talk about things we disagree on and enjoy one another's company in full flourished understanding that anything said is to be tempered by a the spirit that both of us are deeply concerned with an understanding of the other's ideas, notions and opinions... Of course, in full appreciation and with fully disclosed knowledge and agreement that these feelings, thoughts, notions, opinions and even, egads those dreaded belief systems are subject to change... without notice.

...it's only the notion, rarely the belief that totally counts in what I might be sayin', OK? And really quite truly if possibly vaguely I'm so glad to have met you and shared in your notions both the ones we've agreed on as equally as those we have not... and quite often it's the latter that makes it the more exciting to have these conversations that change our impressions of things we've just noticed as we stumble towards meeting the next person willing to share something they're thinking, 'cause that's all we got.

hmmmm... that's it. For now.

I'm finding it really quite hard to gather any honest to goodness interests in just how fast one man or one woman can hurtle themselves down some sloped patched of manufactured snow on a pair of super duperly, high-technically designed pair of used to be wooden old slats. I just recently stopped truly caring too much over how many pieces of vulcanized rubber this group or that could dump into the mesh over that group or this... 

Unlike years past where I could easily muster a small thrill in watching some surprisingly un-awkward yet totally boney, under-slept-over-worked out to near death poor little young lady wearing even by Las Vega standard's some skimpy flesh toned thingy twirl herself around by only her toes nearly three and a half times... it's funny how happy I'd feel when surprisingly they just didn't fall down, and how equally sad if they'd only manage a mere two and a half spins.

I suppose it's nice that we've overcame those nastier times when one other's countries "endless war" in some same old sad places simply meant that the kids from many other places quite frankly wouldn't come out to play... but.

I guess given this embarrassingly unabashed pride filled pointing and laughing stock stories of shitty old toilets and the black-widow muslim boogeyman women that seem to frame these games in a tired old subplot has left me with even littler interest in watching some young Frenchman swell up when they hoist "his" tricolor red white and blue as I do to watch some other man get all resentfully-misty when some very nice fella or gal defiantly waves "their" little striped rainbow... meh.

I guess I'll wait for the Brier to get this year's curling fix.